Have you ever tried to tell someone how to do something and wound up having to show them how it’s done? That’s pretty much how I see Mick Jagger‘s dance moves. He read about dancing in a book or someone told how it was done, but no one ever showed him how to do it. By the time he actually saw someone dance, it was too late.
I really suck at keeping in touch with people. It’s not that I don’t care about them, or that they don’t mean anything to me. I guess deep down I feel like they’re better off without me pestering them. I know that most of the people that are physically in my life don’t have the same interests that I do. They look at me crazy when I try to explain Doctor Who and can’t grasp the appeal of Geocaching. I know these are new-ish hobbies, but the trend can be traced back as far as I can remember. I could never really convince even my childhood playmates that the games and toys I liked were really fun, so I always ended up going with their suggested pastimes I had fun, sure, but I always felt a little left out, even with my closest companions.
I’m sure that on some level my bisexuality played some role in it all, not really sure how to express myself so that I was neither misunderstood nor neglected. So if I removed any chance of rejection or persecution it dulled the pain of the inevitable blow. As I’ve gotten older and pretended to mature (okay fine, as I’ve “grown up”) I’ve been able to not only pinpoint my social flaws and personality quirks, but to also accept them as these amazing pieces of who I am. I have loved and lusted after men and women. I have obsessed over fictional characters. I’ve had my heart broken, and I’ve broken a few hearts. I married my best friend and together we have carved out a place for ourselves in a world of nerdy references, road trips, and GPS adventures that 95% of the people in our lives DO NOT understand. I dream about size appropriate costume options for sci-fi conventions and have risked life and limb to dance the Time Warp in the shower. I am who I am!
Sometimes it’s easier for me to not call the would-be friends in my life because they aren’t as zealous about certain things as I am. I have even cut communications with people that I felt too attracted to (unreciprocated) for fear of crossing a line that can’t be retraced. I do get lonely. I do wish that I had more people that really forced themselves into my life and competed for my attention, but I doubt that will ever be the case. I’m happy with the little microcosm that is my life.
If I’ve lost touch with you, it’s because I love you and respect you too much to annoy you all the time. Or it’s because I want(ed) in your pants.
I keep a plush TARDIS in my car. When you squeeze it, it plays the “vworp vworp vworp” noise of the TARDIS de-materializing. My brother’s oldest son has known for a while now what a TARDIS is, and the name of the mad man who travels in it. Today I was finally able to sit him down with a bag of popcorn and Netflix, and introduce him to my Doctor. He’s almost 9 so I started him with the 2005 revive series. The older episodes are harder to collect so I think we’ll have to revisit them once my collection is as good as it’s going to get, and he’s a little older and has actually witnessed a regeneration or two. I was a little worried that he wouldn’t get it. It brings tears to my eyes now, as I write this account, to know that I have planted the Whovian seed.
Next to my plush TARDIS is a plush dalek. He’s heard the groaning cries of “EXTERMINATE” and has been most excited to see the “mean R2-D2 trashcan guys.” The next episode in the list is “Dalek“, our first time seeing the mechanically-reliant race in the new run of Who. He was most entranced by the Slitheens’ booger like qualities, and the Autons‘ plastic nastiness.
I couldn’t be any more proud of my nephew. I look forward to many more hours of watching and discussing the Doctor’s adventures with him. I’ve already got him singing along to the theme song. I love that little man!
So I’ve had a few very LONG days in a row. Since I quit my job I haven’t been able to figure out when to sleep to maximize my time. I’ve been playing chauffeur for my uncle, making sure he gets to his radiation appointments on time, while still trying to spend time with my husband who is working grave shift, and somehow trying to stay awake while he’s at work so I can try to get some things done. All while making sure my baby cat, Bellagio, is getting her Phenobarbital on time. That has left me sleeping two or three hours and then being awake for 4 or 5 hours. I’m reaching my limits. I’m so tired right now my ears are stuffed up, my head is pounding, and my eyes are burning. When I do sleep I wake up barely able to move my left arm because my bicep and shoulder hurt so bad. Now the right side is staring to do it, too. It’s really got me freaked out, but I don’t have insurance so, I can’t afford to go to a doctor to find out what’s wrong.
I did manage to tackle and defeat a few very challenging puzzle caches this week. B and I are almost done with the locally-notorious “Flip Dizzy” series. We already had a few worked out, but managed to solve and find 3 in 3 days. We have another two that have been solved but haven’t had time to go get it. There’s one more to figure out, and then the final. I also started investigating a puzzle cache that has never been found. A few hours led me to a promising lead, I just hope it wasn’t all for naught.
A few years ago I pretty much quit caffeine because it made me feel like my heart was doing jumping-jacks. Over the past week, I’ve found myself indulging with an overpriced barista-blend or two, to get through the days. I noticed this on my last trip.
This is not the greatest coffee in the world. This is just the tribute. Or is it more appropriate to say, “I volunteer as coffee”?
It’s almost 3:00am, so, no white chocolate mocha for me. Sleep. I definitely need sleep.
I was finally able to spend some quality time with my hubby today. We went to my favorite Irish spot in Memphis, Celtic Crossing. They had an adorable Leprechaun walking around who had to keep stopping to adjust his beard. I played “Designated Dave” while he had an Irish Car Bomb and a green beer. We both enjoyed hearing the bag pipers and indulging in the yummy food. I was stuffed silly, but after grabbing a quick geocache that is usually guarded by a very vocal, morally and residentially challenged heroine addict, B was craving O’Charley’s chicken tenders. I tend to gravitate towards one of a kind locally owned restaurants but sometimes you just have to belly-up to a commercial establishment and grin and bare the hit-or-miss service. I felt like such a cow sitting there. I was already full and felt obligated to order more food. Half a bowl of soup later and we miserably made our way to Shelby Farms to spy on a few geocachers out hunting our pride and joy. We made fast friends with a nice local family of 3 and spent far too long standing around talking in a field. A quick Driver License check on the way home and we were both ready for bed.
I’m barely keeping my eyes open now, but felt obligated to type something out. It may not be terribly interesting but it is my life. If I could figure out how to get my oldest cat, Luxor, to stop yelling at me, today would be a close to perfect day.
I’ve been trying to organize myself to write my book. It’s not that I thought it would be easy, I just thought that I’d be more excited about it. I’m genuinely ambivalent about the whole thing right now. I’m forcing myself to sit down and write at least 30 minutes every day. On the days that words actually start appearing on the screen I feel like I’m making progress. I should say, I’m satisfied that I actually wrote once this week. I’m hoping that if I keep going through the motions something great will actually happen. In the mean time, I think I’m going watch some Doctor Who on Netflix and fold laundry.
And just to make myself feel a little better about the nap that I took…
- Emptied, scrubbed, refilled 3 litter boxes (with a nagging pinch in my left shoulder)
- Updated my Droid Razr to Jellybean
- Medicated the fuzzball
- Spent quality time with the parents and brother which included watching my dad laugh at youtube videos
- Found an ad (that ends today) for $50 off the TomTom my husband wants
I’m not really sure how to start. I mean it’s not that I don’t know who I am, or what I’d like to say…it’s mostly that I find motivation a bit out of reach. There are so many things on my “To Do” list that I’m overwhelmed to the point of inaction. It’s part “where do I start?” and part “I’m a human slug.” I found myself in a situation where it was my husband’s employment or my own. He had been on the job for 8 years and about $10 more an hour than me, so I pulled a Johnny Paycheck and bowed out.
Between the time I put in my 2-week notice and my final day, I found out that my uncle has lung cancer that has metastasized to his brain, and will be moving into my parents’ house. About 3 1/2 years ago, my husband and I moved back home with my parents, and a few months back, my older brother moved back in. My husband, B, and I are planning a big road trip this summer and I’m supposed to organize like a month’s worth of geocaches and mp3s. I’ve pretty much started taking care of all the chores for the household of now 6 adults, 4 cats, 2 dogs, and 2 kids every other weekend. I’m supposed to be taking this time to write down the book that’s been swimming in my head for about 15 years. One of the cats has seizures, so my whole day revolves on these 12 hour cycles of “time to med the fuzz ball.” I’ve volunteered to start cleaning an old boyfriend’s house for $70 a week, and I have no idea when I’d be able to do that. I’m afraid I’m going to wind up backing down.
I’m kind of a little all over the place in deciding where to start. I’m hoping this blog will help me get a rhythm to my new life as the gainfully unemployed member of the household. If nothing else, perhaps It will at least get me writing on a regular basis. It may not be anything worth reading, but I’ve got to get it out of my head. Only time will tell.