Lapse In Judgement

I feel like absolute crap right now. Last night my husband and I visited with an old friend of mine. I allowed myself to be drawn into the situation and I smoked a few cigarettes. I haven’t smoked more than a few puffs since October of 2011. I have smoked 3 cigarettes today. I just came back inside from sneaking to the end of the driveway for the last cigarette I had stashed away. My whole body is buzzing with the poison. My head hurts. My mouth tastes nasty and my skin and hair smell awful. I really feel like I could throw up at any minute. I can feel my heart racing and my lungs feel like they’re full of sludge. I feel so guilty! My grandmother died last year from lung cancer. My uncle is currently going through chemo for lung cancer. I am so upset with myself. I can honestly say that I have reminded myself why I quit in the first place.

In other news…I made a sizable donation to Locks of Love today. I cut off more than 13 inches of hair. I’ve got a really cute bob going on. I think I like it. It’s a bit shorter than I was hoping for, but I can still pull it back into a pony tail, so that’s acceptable. I think I’m really going to like it being shorter while we’re on our road trips, and with warmer weather (somewhere) on the horizon, it’ll be a lot cooler. I didn’t take a pic right before the cut, but here’s the new look. 

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